A Lugus Carol
The Christmas spirit is one of the most holy and respected things on the planet. This goes for all the meanings behind the word “spirit”. Of course, there is the meaning that is about warmth, happiness and sharing; which comes from alcohol. There is the one where you sit with your family. But the meaning of the word in this story is ghastly different.
It all began on a cold winter night, when Gertus Scrooge Beerantus was busy filling out all of his Excel sheets in the Lugus Lounge. Gertus Scrooge was of course known for his hate of spending money on unnecessary expenses, such as a Spotify premium account, but more importantly, he did not want to spend a cent on Christmas!
Working next to him was Gertus’ secretary, Thomasius from Threeus, who was his complete opposite. “Could I please get some money for a nice Christmas suit?” Thomasius asked to Gertus. “Bah, always asking money from me! Get out of my face and go home Thootje!” And so Thomasius left, telling Fransus, Jakous, Rubius and Koenius, who were, as always, playing Fifa and drinking beers in the lounge, to better leave as well, since Gertus should not be disturbed at this time.
Later that evening, when Gertus Scrooge was feeling drowsy from all the numbers, he was suddenly visited by the ghost of his former business partner, Brammus Piersmia!” The ghost was chained by thousands of small iron iron-heavy ping pong balls after having lost to Egbertus so many times. “Gertus”, he said “look what has become of me! If you don’t change your ways you will end up in chains just as what happened to me!”
Gertus Scrooge was unimpressed with Brammus and tried to shoo him off with a bottle of sambuca. Brammus then drank half the bottle, but not before he had said. “Gertus, tonight, three spirits will visit you, they will show you your past, present and future. You better listen to what they say or you will have to pull a litre!” after this, he disappeared.
Later that night, just as Brammus had foretold, the first of the spirits visited Gertus Scrooge. It was Ilsus, the ghost of Christmas past! Ilsus brought Gertus to Christmas of last year. First, she took him to the Lugus Lounge, where Gertus’ younger self was celebrating Christmas with his friends whom he had not seen in a long time. There were Woutus, Jesperus, Jortus, Joepus, Jarrikus, Silus and even Bastianus from the TaSC committee.” Woutus was just in the middle of asking Gertus to ride a MyWheels.
Then Ilsus took Gertus to the Pintelier, where Brendus and Alexus were having a well-fought Klaverjas battle against Olivierus and Sybrus Ferminus, who were at the time still newcomers to the game. Gertus saw that Olivierus and Sybrus were sadly played nat multiple times and had to crawl under the table. “Please take me away from this sad sight!” Gertus begged Ilsus. Ilsus disappeared
Then the ghost of Christmas present, Mattus, appeared before Gertus. “I will now show you present-day Lugus Christmas!” Mattus told Gertus. They went off to ‘t fust, where Ristus the Baker and Sytsus were definitely not smoking a cigarette outside. Next to them were Marrius, Devus, Constansus and Calvinus with a six-pack they had brought themselves.
“Why are they not inside?” Gertus asked Mattus. “Because they can’t” Mattus replied. “You did not give them a budget to organise a social on Christmas day!” “If you look into the night shop, you can also see Stannus, Benediktus, Jaimus and Benjaminus. They are already buying bottles of rose and Jagermeister because they are afraid you will also cut the budget for the ski trip.” “That is horrible, I would never do that!” Gertus Scrooge yelled out. “Get me out of here!” Mattus disappeared.
The final spirit to then show up was Mennos Lubbertus, the ghost of Christmas yet to come. “Oh spirit, could you please show me something good!” Gertus implored. Mennos took Gertus to the new lounge in the Feringa Building. Here, Gertus saw Jasperus, Wessellus, Kirillus Hohoho, Tudorus and Travus all sharing beers. But when Gertus looked closer, he saw that, instead of Bavaria, they were drinking Schultenbrau!
Next to them, he saw another shocking thing. The normal part was that it was Aravius and Michalus eating in the lounge, but they were not eating the usual Bapao broodjes, it was also not the noodle, it was not even a cookie! No, they were eating fried crickets! “Why are they not eating something good?” Gertus asked Mennos. “In the future, you will try to lower all food expenses and crickets were the cheapest thing you could offer in the lounge.”
“Mennos, can I still prevent any of this? Tell me it is not too late!” Gertus inquired. “Yes, but for that to happen you must pull a pipe at both the Christmas dinner and the VLC party!”
Next Gertus woke up in the lounge, the Excel sheets still open. It was already the next day and Zakirus, Cyrillus Lfemmia and Brian Pan Herediaus were already getting coffee for their morning lecture. When they saw a more than excited Gertus, they were scared at first, as this usually never happens. But then Gertus told them all about his dream and they understood.
Gertus was never the same again. He would from now on forward always put his members first and the Lugus wallet second, now Lugus Christmases were never the same.